you know what I don't understand?

That the same people who scold me for being too strong and self-sufficient, the same people that say that I'm going to get sick if I don't ask for help, the same people that make my independence and determination sound evil; are the same people that fall apart when I need them the most.  These same people can't handle pressure or stress; therefore, leaving me alone to handle the situation.  What am I suppossed to do with this?  If every one fell apart and caved in to the pressure including myself, no one would be up half the night changing my son's diapers, or giving him his medications or dealing with is 102 fevers, or sitting in doctor's office's for what seems to be endless hours.  Someone has to be strong and calm, right?  Sometimes i think it is these thoughts and confusion that put me more into a depressive mood than the circumstances themselves.  Really.

By the way, no one said i take credit for this "strength".  I give all glory to God who has given me the strength to wake up 3-4 times a night for the last 9 days straight and can still fully function during the day, taking care of my sick son and little girls, the house, the laundry, meals  (ok, well drive-thrus have been a part of life lately I admit).  I'm not perfect.  So here is what I say to those people...if you can't handle it, if it's too stressful and sad for you and you need to distance yourself...I understand.  But don't accuse me or make me feel bad because I'm "strong" and get things done.  Do I have choice?  Because I sure don't see it at this point.  If God says He is who He is and His Word says what It says, than I should get up or in some cases stay up in the morning, smile, keep going...trusting that there is new strength for every step that I take, every mountain i have to climb, every hour that i must stay awake, every appointment I must rush to, every crisis I must tend to.